Why Netflix? Whyy??

So today Netflix said that because I enjoyed "L.A Ink" they suggest I watch "Runway Bride". I looked at the cover and noticed it stars the hooker from Pretty Woman and the guy that humped her. I also remembered I liked Pretty Woman 15 years ago, so this can't be that bad, especially since it has to do with pretty tattoos.

It was awful.

There were no tattoos.

Or hookers.

I'm getting pretty depressed thinking about it again. I'm going to watch some funny porn. Goodbye.

I hate you Netflix.

Asian girls having sex

‎"shelly can i ask something

but it will sound kinda racist

the asian thing

do asian girls cry during sex?"

- Someone just asked me that right now.... ROFL!!

Hmmm the title might disappoint a lot of people who actually were searching for..... Asian girls having sex.... Than they find my blog. Boner killed. I win.

I am worth 5 dollars

Markis: "You should date my friend"

Me: "Oh? Why?"

Markis: "So I can get free comedy tickets"

Me: ".... Aren't they like, only 5 dollars?"

*UPDATE*

Markis sends me a pic of the guy.... HORRBILE pic of the guy.

Markis: "Well? What do you think?"

Me: "Wtf Markis, that's a horrible pic, he looks high"

Markis: "So? What do you think?"

Me: "I duno man... I mean... His pic didn't make my dick shrivel up and die... But it didn't make it hard either... You get me?"

I am still debating. I haven't gone on a "date" since The Hangover 2 so I guess it's about time...

I'll probably be dead by tomorrow

This all happened half an hour ago......

I'm researching on the computer for homework (aka watching porn) and suddenly there's a soft knock on my window. I ignore it thinking it's just the wind when a minute later, it knocked again!

Freaking out now, I walk to my cousin Jessica and whispered: "Someone is knocking on the window"

Jessica: "Really? Someone knocked on our window a week ago around 3 am.... 5 times ! But you were sleeping and I was too scared to wake you up"

Me: "WTF! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING THE NEXT DAY??!!"

Jessica: "I forgot"

Freaking out even more now, I go to my baby brother's (he's 17) room.

Me: "Jason, someone knocked on my window, will you please check?"

Jason: "Alright let me get my gun"

Me: "WTF! WE HAVE A GUN??!!"

Jason: "Get the dogs"

Me: "WHAT THE HELL ARE OUR 2 CHIHUAHUAS GONNA DO??!!"

Anyways, he checked and no one was there... But I'll still probably get murdered :(

Ok so about 5 minutes ago, wait wait let me back track. I went to the gym today and my personal trainer, (whom I call him "Nazi Director"... but lovingly...) made me work out so much my legs basically are dead. Anyways, I get home and change into my pajama pants. I put it on and did a little jump while I pulled them up- And my legs just gave out and I went up on the floor crying in pain.

I hope the rest of you are having a better night than me... Goodnight.

Hacked on facebook

So stupid-ass me left my facebook running in school. Someone deleted all my stuff, and wrote on my wall: "i really want to suck some big fat black dick my pussy is wetter than a river"

So a lot of ppl commented... One of them was MY TEACHER!! I could die of embarrassment right now...