The Mysterious Lube

Tuesday at 11:31pm

OMFG
I JUST STEPPED ON A PUDDLE OF LUBE
STRAWBERRY LUBE
I DON'T OWN ANY LUBE!!!!!!

*update*
It wasn't lube.... It was dog shampoo.

Oh Ron

Me: "I TEXT U EVERYDAY! I CALL U EVERYDAY! U IGNORE MEEEEEE! *CRIES*"

Ron: "NOPE"

Me: "*FARTS*"

Ron: "You hate me"

Me: "*THROWS UP*"
Me: "*THROWS GAY PORN AT U*"

Ron: "It's because I'm black, isn't it?"

The devil inside

Went to see a screening for the movie: "The devil inside"

Sat next to a cute stranger. Bad idea, cause I can't handle scary movies.
I only wacked him about 5 times, breathed heavily (in a very unattractive way)... Spilled water on him... Kicked him numerous times, and yelled: "WATCH THE MOVIE" in a very ugly demonic voice when he laughed at me for closing my eyes. Needless to say, he did not ask for my number afterwards.

My birthday wishlist

• Pink backpack with wheels (school books & art supplies are getting too heavy)
• All 3 Playboy perfumes for women
• Playboy giftcard: http://www.playboystore.com/giftcard
• Playboy pillows (actual pillows NOT pillow covers)
  
• Exercise pen for pets
• Captain Underpants the complete collection
• Pink bowling ball

Oh Jessica

My cousin Jessica makes me laugh, than gets mad when I laugh because she doesn't understand why.

Jessica: "Shelly, did you know black men have beautiful voice?"